Monday, January 4, 2010

The Bad and The Ugly

I post our progress and our success and sometimes I post our rough days but I don't know that I've ever had a day quite as ugly as today. I've second guessed posting this more than once but feel as though I have to keep it real. I'm so open, sometimes I fear I show too much of myself and my family.

Here it goes:

Our first day back and we nearly froze to death.

I waited until this morning to make our schedules. Sky is my middle daughter and she is in the 8th grade. I make each child a schedule for the week with subject, page numbers and what to do in each subject each day that week. When Sky brought me her last schedule for me to see where we left off, after a long 6 week break, she confessed that for those last few weeks of school before the holidays she crossed off that she did her school but didn't actually do it.

I was busy before the holidays and focusing on our MFW history, bible and reading ect... alot. Then I have to teach my 3rd grader Meadow. I expect my 8th grader to be able to follow the schedule and work on her own. She is fully capable and doesn't struggle in any area.

I had been slack in checking behind her and grading her papers.

As I took her subjects today I realized other things too. Like in her Jump In writing, instead of actually doing the lessons she had copied the examples given in the book into the areas that she was suppose to be doing the lessons.

She had written me two tiny reports on Abortion. A rough draft and then a corrected version. I was pretty impressed with her wording and felt as though she had a passion for abortion. She did a lot of research ect...

So, in trying to find her a writing teacher, someone to help me out, grading her ect... because writing is tough for me to grade and being her mom I'm often too lenient- I had found someone that I felt I would use. They needed an example of Sky's writing but Sky was gone for the weekend so I forwarded her abortion reports.

Today I get an e-mail from the someone gently explaining to me that Sky had plagiarized both reports. She easily found them word for word on the internet.

NOW- I DID discuss what this was (plagiarism) in detail with Sky and went over how to reword things or give credit if quoting BEFORE she wrote this paper. We did IEW last year and that did a great job in teaching how to take a few words from a sentence and make it your own.

She also understood it was stealing, lying and deceitful. I hate to even admit all of this here on the blog.

This is my middle dd and I've always felt like dh treated her differently than my older dd. He always seemed to be harder on Heaven than on Sky. To me it looks like Sky gets away with murder. Sky is different. BUT I'm at a loss in how to deal with this behavior.

She has always lied and been dishonest. She will look me dead in my eyes and lie and when she is caught she blows it off.

Dh and I had a heated argument. I was so angry. He of course said what I know is true-but still it hurt-that I AM her teacher and IF I had been doing my job I would have KNOWN that she wasn't DOING her work.

I feel like I have so much to do all the time already. I can't hold Sky's hand, I can't TEACH her every single subject. It's time she began DOING what she is suppose to do without me having to FORCE her or stand over top of her.

I feel like a failure as a mother and a teacher.

I don't even know how to discipline her in this and neither does dh. She is grounded from everything, ipod, radio, computer, friends, phone, cell, even classes at church, drama, everything. She did get a spanking- yes at 14. She is going to do school every day until she is caught up, even weekends. And for the finale-she is failing 8th grade. That one really got her. BUT had she been in college and did this they would have failed her in every subject and kicked her out of school.

You want to know what she is most upset over though? The fact that she is going to HAVE to take this writing class. She is furious.

Sky is not all bad. She is so smart, she is kind and very helpful. I've seen her changing the way she treats Meadow over the past month off of school. I've noticed lots of things about her. She is funny, has a great personality-often times the life of the party. I just don't understand why she insists on going out of her way to be lazy. To me, it took more time and effort to copy and pretend to do work than it would have to have just done it right the first time.

The thing that scares most me is wondering if she has a conscience. I homeschool because I know its what God called me to do and its SO hard on me to NOT see the fruits of my labor. It makes me doubt everything. Doubt myself, homeschooling, everything. I don't know WHAT to do differently. I've taught Sky about the Lord and lived the closest and best I could. I feel like when it comes to her that NOTHING I do or say will change her or matter at all.

God I pray this child matures some in the next four years because I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't.

THEN on top of all of this Meadow got a horrible virus and started puking about an hour ago. She is so sick. It doesn't look like we'll be doing school tomorrow and I PRAY this virus doesn't go through the house. I don't know how much more stress I can handle.

So there you have it, a really bad day in the life of Kingdom Academy.


kathy said...

I'm so very sorry. I can only imagine how devastated you feel. Take your doubts, fears and feelings of deepest hurt to the arms and the throne of our ever-merciful, ever-compassionate, ever-listening Lord who is sovereign over all things.

(I'm just visiting from the WTM site but wanted to send you a huge hug and tell you you are loved and lifted up in prayer by another sister in Christ.)


Our Westmoreland School said...

Is there anyone else she can talk to? Like a youth group leader? It might at least let you know why she did that. :hugs: That has to be so hard. I'm so sorry.

I hope the virus is not there to stay either (just what you'd need).

Shelly said...

I am sorry about this Jen. I will pray that you find a solution for you and her and that the Lord touches her heart and she sees what this is all doing.